So, drinking and smoking weed (and even seeking other women) behind your wife's back are more important than your family? You claim that you want to change, that you want help, and that despite those statements, you "can't change overnight".... All I'm hearing is a bunch of empty words that, oddly enough, I've heard before.
No, I'm not the wife of this particular story. I'm not now, nor have I ever been, married. However, I have heard these things before, when I was with... someone. It seems this is a fairly common tale these days, and it's not getting better. Why is it that about half of today's marriages end in divorce?
Sadly, I don't have the answer, but I do have a theory. I blame people's expectations. We expect our partners to fulfill a role that provides us with an infinite state of drug-like euphoria, much like that of when we first fell in love with them. Yes, love is grand when it's new - we're high on life, and our partners can "do no wrong". Even their biggest flaws are candy coated by our fresh feelings of infatuation. I know, because I've been there. But then, a few months later, the fairy tale feelings wear off and we're left with the truth: our partners are humans after all. No longer angels in our eyes, we begin to see them as they actually are, imperfect and sometimes absolutely annoying.
Now, back when life was not so convenient and people actually had to work for things (and the internet didn't provide people with endless outlets for their sexual desires), relationships were a commitment to WORK for that love. Work, meaning one sacrificing for the other and vice versa. Work, meaning communicating honestly even when honesty was a tough pill to swallow. Work... meaning when life got tough (as it does from time to time), people stuck together, because they knew that running from their problems was downright chickenshit.
The modern-day couple looks a tad different. The husband farts in bed a little too much, so the wife suddenly isn't attracted to him and therefore won't put out, which leads her man to find lovin' on Colfax Avenue. Or, in another house down the street, the husband can't give up his party lifestyle even though the drinking and the drugs daily endanger his family. His wife sacrifices her career, stays with him and fights to see him get well for nearly four years, all to no avail. He complains that she is unfairly trying to dominate his life, and that he can't stand being treated so harshly by her.
Say whaaaat?!
Am I on glue, or does anyone else see what I'm talking about here? One wife expects her husband to be Prince Charming - always chivalrous and gentlemanly. Sorry, lady, it ain't gonna happen. If he loves you, if he is always honest with you, and if he does his best to treat you like his queen, get over the bodily functions (because, let's face it, you do it too) and stand by your man!
In the other scenario, the husband expects his wife to take care of the house and take no issue with his "fun", regardless of the potential consequences. He sees her protest as a violation of his manhood, and basically throws a temper tantrum when she calls him out on his behavior. Sorry, dude, but when you're an old man looking back on your life, what's going to be more important: the number of drinks you had and blunts you smoked, or the wife who stood by you (even when you didn't deserve it) and the beautiful children she gave you?
For the rest of you out there who maybe don't fit these stories, think about those significant others in your life and ask yourself, "Am I really working as hard as I can in this relationship? Is my partner working as hard as they can?" Before you give up on something, give it a little effort.
Just some food for thought.
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